It's been about a week since my last blog...sorry, this is a busy time of year. I have 3 children in elementary school & I am homeroom mom for each of their classes this year & we have Fall Festival coming up, so lots of preparations to be made, on top of my regular routine.
My eldest child has been weighing on my heart as of late. He was born with holes in his heart. One closed on it's own when he was 3, but the fetal artery stayed open & we had to have it closed when he was almost 4. His heart condition really hasn't affected his health much since the Amplatzer device was put in his heart, but he started complaining about heart palpitations this year. I would check his heart, listen to his breathing, take his temp & watched whether he was eating & such. All was normal. So I paid specific attention to when he was feeling these palpitations. Turns out he has them at school & during homework & also when my husband travels. Which led me to believe he was having anxiety.
I took him to see our cardiologist, just to be certain it wasn't his heart & all was well. So, I spoke with his school counselor & asked her to talk with him on a regular basis to help him deal with his stress & anxiety. So far, so good.
On another note with my son, he was very hard to potty train when he was younger. It was about 3 months before he began kindergarten before he was, mostly, potty trained. He sits to urinate & won't wipe when he goes #2, which has been an issue with him at school & in public because it smells.We have been extremely lucky that none of his fellow students have said anything to him, but it only takes one time around the wrong person & he could be taunted.
He has been fascinated/obsessed with diapers/pull-ups since we took them away. He would take his baby sisters pull-ups, when she was being trained, use them & hide them. A couple years ago he created an account on eBay & won a bid on a package of diapers, which I then had to ask the seller if they would not charge us for it & email eBay about what my child was so easily able to do on their site. (And I do monitor my children on the computer, but this was just one of those times that he didn't get caught until it was too late) Then the other day, after we got home from church, he told me that he felt very tempted when he used the bathroom in one of the nursery rooms because it had pull-ups in it that were used for the Mom's Day Out program. I asked him if he took any of them & he told me no, but that he was very, very tempted.
I'm not naive. I know he has a fetish & I do my best to let him know how to handle himself, in public, with this issue. I've told him that this doesn't change how much I love him or how I think of him. But do my best to be honest about how others may perceive this...if they find out. I've asked him not to talk to his friends about it, that even if they are accepting of it now, that things could change if their friendships ever had a falling out. My husband is aware of our son's fascination/fetish, but chooses to not acknowledge it...as if our son might just grow out of it someday.
I have no one to talk to about this, not in my family or any friends. I don't want it to get out, not because I am embarrassed, but because I don't want my child/children to ever, for any reason, be humiliated for being who they were born to be.
I've told him that we won't have any diapers/pull-ups around the house so he won't feel tempted, but that when he's older & out in the world on his own, that whatever choices he makes will be his own & we will still love & accept him for who he is....our son.
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