Prayers & positive thoughts for all weathering the weather up north.
It's cold, it's cold, it is so very cold in the south. But I love it because it finally feels like FALL.
The only bad thing about it being cold is that it makes my fibromyalgia act up. I get very stiff & achy & it makes me feel like I can feel my bones from the inside. I walk around like I'm channeling a 94 year old woman. I need to push through it, though, as there is a lot to get done. I've tried several different medications: Cymbalta, Savella, Lyrica, Neurontin & Kepra, just to name a few. I get bad acne from most of them. Almost like an abscess that is big, red & very painful. Some of them have helped with the pain for a short time, some a lot, but the side effects aren't worth continuing to take them. I sing & the Savella took away my ability to control my vocal chords. After a couple months of taking any of them, I would get very moody, depressed & had suicidal thoughts & I found it difficult to stay patient with the children.
As it stands right now I take pain medicine when it gets real bad. I am honest with my doctor & my husband about how many I take & when, so that I don't become addicted to them. I make sure that I only take one when I won't be driving & I only allow myself to take one in a day. I've found that if I push myself to begin my chores I eventually get used to the feeling. What I mean is that I believe the pain is from the nerves & isn't from something I did to hurt myself, so if I can push through the pain it eventually doesn't feel as bad as it did when I first started. Sometimes it's a little hard to get myself motivated to push through it, but I'm trying.
A shift is coming or in the process of happening. I am picking up on so much negative energy, I hardly can stand to be out & about. Trying to keep things positive around the house for the kids, but it is hard.
We had a delightful family meal yesterday, that my talented husband made for us, then onto pumpkin carving for the kids afterward. They were so excited to make faces on their pumpkins & watch daddy carve them. We will, however, wait to put them outside so as not to have them eaten or squished. We have been extremely lucky in our neighborhood that no one goes out on mischief night. (Hope I didn't jinx myself )
Dreams, for me, haven't been worth mentioning. My husband had a dream last night that some terrorists kidnapped me & the children to make him blow up a bomb in some big city. Vague, I know, but it set him in a bad place when he woke up. He truly feared for our lives. My husbands dreams are usually straight forward. You can definitely tell what they mean...usually. I & our youngest child are the one's that have wacky dreams. I'll have to pay attention to what dreams he has the rest of the week...see if there's a general theme to them. May be a premonition dream, one never knows. Hardly think it's about us though.
My dream was STUPID last night. I was me, as I am now, but was back in high school. The high school was local to where I live now, but was a mansion style home on the inside. I kept missing my classes & was upset because I didn't know where my children were, though they felt close & to my right side. I remembered that I didn't have any make-up on, so I went into the bathroom to "powder my nose". I felt a piece of dead skin so I peeled it off my nose & blew it off my finger. Next thing I know there is what looks like dead skin/snow falling from the ceiling. I am disgusted & curious. When I catch one in my hand & look at it, it turns out to be a super thin sliver of acrylic with a Halloween image stamped on it. I remember leaving the bathroom & walking in a crowded hallway. Then I woke up. STUPID.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Man what a busy week this has been already. Our Fall Festival is tonight for our school & the kids are bursting at the costume strings to get this school day over with so they can have fun. I want tonight to get over with so I can start preparing for the next big thing.
On another, completely different subject, I was looking out the window the other night & saw lots of lights in the night sky. Some were planes, some were helicopters & some....not so sure what they were. I know for certain I saw 3 orionids, but there was this one flashy light thing in the sky that seemed to just hover, move a bit north (my right), come back & move north again. Lasted for about 10 minutes, then I didn't see it anymore. The sky was quite clear, light clouds coming from the southeast, but they seemed to hit a jet stream somewhere overhead & moved northeast, never obscuring my view of the stars & such. I live in a town with an army base, so seeing things in the sky is a daily occurrence. That one thing I saw, however, was different from what I am used to seeing in the sky. It peeked my interest, but didn't last long.
(Another topic)
The children have been experiencing spiritual energy. They have heard someone walking toward them...behind them, they hear breathing & sometimes they hear their names being called. Individually of course. I have felt them as well. They are not menacing or dangerous...just around. The children & I have talked about spirits for many years & this is the first time they are REALLY noticing them. I am watching to see how they handle themselves with their experiences & guiding them to use positive energy & communication to ask them to leave. My son is beginning puberty, which is a time when their energy is strong & draws a lot of spiritual activity. I wonder....maybe even hope, that they have the gift. Time will tell.
I am so apprehensive about our future. The future of America...of man, even. Where women's issues are concerned, it feels like we are moving backwards instead of forward. I am so afraid for my daughters' futures. What freedoms will be left for them when they are grown? We are a lower middle class family doing our best to watch our budget & make a life for ourselves, but it is getting harder & harder every year. From where I sit I see many government officials, financial industry bigwigs, basically, all of those people in the upper crust of society, misusing money & changing our laws to suit them. We are no longer "We the PEOPLE". We are "THEM" & we receive crumbs from the crumbs of their cake. I envision what our country, even our world, would be like right now if no one lied & our taxes were used only for the things they were meant. We would be such an advanced society. Now, I believe we are much more advanced then the majority of humans think, but we are kept out of the KNOW for THEIR sake...THEIR agenda. I pray I never come back as a human after I pass from this life. I have lost all hope in this species.
I could rant on about many things, but I must go to tend to the day.
Blessings to all.
On another, completely different subject, I was looking out the window the other night & saw lots of lights in the night sky. Some were planes, some were helicopters & some....not so sure what they were. I know for certain I saw 3 orionids, but there was this one flashy light thing in the sky that seemed to just hover, move a bit north (my right), come back & move north again. Lasted for about 10 minutes, then I didn't see it anymore. The sky was quite clear, light clouds coming from the southeast, but they seemed to hit a jet stream somewhere overhead & moved northeast, never obscuring my view of the stars & such. I live in a town with an army base, so seeing things in the sky is a daily occurrence. That one thing I saw, however, was different from what I am used to seeing in the sky. It peeked my interest, but didn't last long.
(Another topic)
The children have been experiencing spiritual energy. They have heard someone walking toward them...behind them, they hear breathing & sometimes they hear their names being called. Individually of course. I have felt them as well. They are not menacing or dangerous...just around. The children & I have talked about spirits for many years & this is the first time they are REALLY noticing them. I am watching to see how they handle themselves with their experiences & guiding them to use positive energy & communication to ask them to leave. My son is beginning puberty, which is a time when their energy is strong & draws a lot of spiritual activity. I wonder....maybe even hope, that they have the gift. Time will tell.
I am so apprehensive about our future. The future of America...of man, even. Where women's issues are concerned, it feels like we are moving backwards instead of forward. I am so afraid for my daughters' futures. What freedoms will be left for them when they are grown? We are a lower middle class family doing our best to watch our budget & make a life for ourselves, but it is getting harder & harder every year. From where I sit I see many government officials, financial industry bigwigs, basically, all of those people in the upper crust of society, misusing money & changing our laws to suit them. We are no longer "We the PEOPLE". We are "THEM" & we receive crumbs from the crumbs of their cake. I envision what our country, even our world, would be like right now if no one lied & our taxes were used only for the things they were meant. We would be such an advanced society. Now, I believe we are much more advanced then the majority of humans think, but we are kept out of the KNOW for THEIR sake...THEIR agenda. I pray I never come back as a human after I pass from this life. I have lost all hope in this species.
I could rant on about many things, but I must go to tend to the day.
Blessings to all.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Our son...loved unconditionally.
It's been about a week since my last blog...sorry, this is a busy time of year. I have 3 children in elementary school & I am homeroom mom for each of their classes this year & we have Fall Festival coming up, so lots of preparations to be made, on top of my regular routine.
My eldest child has been weighing on my heart as of late. He was born with holes in his heart. One closed on it's own when he was 3, but the fetal artery stayed open & we had to have it closed when he was almost 4. His heart condition really hasn't affected his health much since the Amplatzer device was put in his heart, but he started complaining about heart palpitations this year. I would check his heart, listen to his breathing, take his temp & watched whether he was eating & such. All was normal. So I paid specific attention to when he was feeling these palpitations. Turns out he has them at school & during homework & also when my husband travels. Which led me to believe he was having anxiety.
I took him to see our cardiologist, just to be certain it wasn't his heart & all was well. So, I spoke with his school counselor & asked her to talk with him on a regular basis to help him deal with his stress & anxiety. So far, so good.
On another note with my son, he was very hard to potty train when he was younger. It was about 3 months before he began kindergarten before he was, mostly, potty trained. He sits to urinate & won't wipe when he goes #2, which has been an issue with him at school & in public because it smells.We have been extremely lucky that none of his fellow students have said anything to him, but it only takes one time around the wrong person & he could be taunted.
He has been fascinated/obsessed with diapers/pull-ups since we took them away. He would take his baby sisters pull-ups, when she was being trained, use them & hide them. A couple years ago he created an account on eBay & won a bid on a package of diapers, which I then had to ask the seller if they would not charge us for it & email eBay about what my child was so easily able to do on their site. (And I do monitor my children on the computer, but this was just one of those times that he didn't get caught until it was too late) Then the other day, after we got home from church, he told me that he felt very tempted when he used the bathroom in one of the nursery rooms because it had pull-ups in it that were used for the Mom's Day Out program. I asked him if he took any of them & he told me no, but that he was very, very tempted.
I'm not naive. I know he has a fetish & I do my best to let him know how to handle himself, in public, with this issue. I've told him that this doesn't change how much I love him or how I think of him. But do my best to be honest about how others may perceive this...if they find out. I've asked him not to talk to his friends about it, that even if they are accepting of it now, that things could change if their friendships ever had a falling out. My husband is aware of our son's fascination/fetish, but chooses to not acknowledge it...as if our son might just grow out of it someday.
I have no one to talk to about this, not in my family or any friends. I don't want it to get out, not because I am embarrassed, but because I don't want my child/children to ever, for any reason, be humiliated for being who they were born to be.
I've told him that we won't have any diapers/pull-ups around the house so he won't feel tempted, but that when he's older & out in the world on his own, that whatever choices he makes will be his own & we will still love & accept him for who he is....our son.
My eldest child has been weighing on my heart as of late. He was born with holes in his heart. One closed on it's own when he was 3, but the fetal artery stayed open & we had to have it closed when he was almost 4. His heart condition really hasn't affected his health much since the Amplatzer device was put in his heart, but he started complaining about heart palpitations this year. I would check his heart, listen to his breathing, take his temp & watched whether he was eating & such. All was normal. So I paid specific attention to when he was feeling these palpitations. Turns out he has them at school & during homework & also when my husband travels. Which led me to believe he was having anxiety.
I took him to see our cardiologist, just to be certain it wasn't his heart & all was well. So, I spoke with his school counselor & asked her to talk with him on a regular basis to help him deal with his stress & anxiety. So far, so good.
On another note with my son, he was very hard to potty train when he was younger. It was about 3 months before he began kindergarten before he was, mostly, potty trained. He sits to urinate & won't wipe when he goes #2, which has been an issue with him at school & in public because it smells.We have been extremely lucky that none of his fellow students have said anything to him, but it only takes one time around the wrong person & he could be taunted.
He has been fascinated/obsessed with diapers/pull-ups since we took them away. He would take his baby sisters pull-ups, when she was being trained, use them & hide them. A couple years ago he created an account on eBay & won a bid on a package of diapers, which I then had to ask the seller if they would not charge us for it & email eBay about what my child was so easily able to do on their site. (And I do monitor my children on the computer, but this was just one of those times that he didn't get caught until it was too late) Then the other day, after we got home from church, he told me that he felt very tempted when he used the bathroom in one of the nursery rooms because it had pull-ups in it that were used for the Mom's Day Out program. I asked him if he took any of them & he told me no, but that he was very, very tempted.
I'm not naive. I know he has a fetish & I do my best to let him know how to handle himself, in public, with this issue. I've told him that this doesn't change how much I love him or how I think of him. But do my best to be honest about how others may perceive this...if they find out. I've asked him not to talk to his friends about it, that even if they are accepting of it now, that things could change if their friendships ever had a falling out. My husband is aware of our son's fascination/fetish, but chooses to not acknowledge it...as if our son might just grow out of it someday.
I have no one to talk to about this, not in my family or any friends. I don't want it to get out, not because I am embarrassed, but because I don't want my child/children to ever, for any reason, be humiliated for being who they were born to be.
I've told him that we won't have any diapers/pull-ups around the house so he won't feel tempted, but that when he's older & out in the world on his own, that whatever choices he makes will be his own & we will still love & accept him for who he is....our son.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Had an interesting dream
Well, I had a most interesting dream early saturday morning.
I was flying along in space on the outskirts of one of the arms of our galaxy. I at first thought I was flying along with our solar system, but I came to find that this was a different planetary system. The star was much larger than our own sun & the planets were larger, colored differently & in a different alignment. I was amazed as I watched how the planets revolved around the star & traversed through space at the same time. We all pretty much know that's what is happening, but to see it in action left me awestruck.
Then I heard a voice tell me that this system is coming undone. I couldn't believe it, how can this be? Everything looks normal....then the planets begin wobbling a bit out of alignment. Something, that I couldn't see, pulled the star downward & the planets were propelled towards another planetary system.
One of the planets being hurled toward another system has an advanced civilization living on it. As I watched the planet pass me I saw the huge, tube-like dwellings where these people live. These dwellings were so huge, they could be seen from space. I felt scared & sad for them because I saw ahead in time. They were heading for another planet with a slightly younger civilization that had no clue they were about to be wiped out.
Inside my mind I knew that all of this was taking place over hundreds of thousands, if not, millions of years earth time, but I saw it roll out in seconds, universal time.
As far as I could tell these planetary systems were one arm in from our system, but the destruction of these two systems will affect us at some point in the future.
In this dream I felt as though I was part of the universe & part of the galaxy. I was the dark matter observer.
Feel free to comment if you have any interpretations for this dream.
I was flying along in space on the outskirts of one of the arms of our galaxy. I at first thought I was flying along with our solar system, but I came to find that this was a different planetary system. The star was much larger than our own sun & the planets were larger, colored differently & in a different alignment. I was amazed as I watched how the planets revolved around the star & traversed through space at the same time. We all pretty much know that's what is happening, but to see it in action left me awestruck.
Then I heard a voice tell me that this system is coming undone. I couldn't believe it, how can this be? Everything looks normal....then the planets begin wobbling a bit out of alignment. Something, that I couldn't see, pulled the star downward & the planets were propelled towards another planetary system.
One of the planets being hurled toward another system has an advanced civilization living on it. As I watched the planet pass me I saw the huge, tube-like dwellings where these people live. These dwellings were so huge, they could be seen from space. I felt scared & sad for them because I saw ahead in time. They were heading for another planet with a slightly younger civilization that had no clue they were about to be wiped out.
Inside my mind I knew that all of this was taking place over hundreds of thousands, if not, millions of years earth time, but I saw it roll out in seconds, universal time.
As far as I could tell these planetary systems were one arm in from our system, but the destruction of these two systems will affect us at some point in the future.
In this dream I felt as though I was part of the universe & part of the galaxy. I was the dark matter observer.
Feel free to comment if you have any interpretations for this dream.
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